This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
