Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize