We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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