You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
