You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
