wrigley field is MILF paradise
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
