Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
