My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
They took my balls.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
