it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
