No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
