Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
