Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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