She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
sarcasm needs its own font
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
