I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
