She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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