She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
