Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the day after is always just damage control
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
