Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
