I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
