Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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