You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
