You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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