i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
