You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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