she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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