He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
