Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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