Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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