it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
