Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
