If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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