i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
