I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
