i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
