i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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