I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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