Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
