Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I have tasted many bathrooms
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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