I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Operation Purity has been aborted
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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