you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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