I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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