Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
