You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
