Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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