i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
