I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
