Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
