whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Randomize
