I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
