I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
