just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
