My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
