why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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