my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
