Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Randomize
