The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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