i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
