Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have aggressive nipples.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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