dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
