So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I sprained my soul last night
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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