im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
