Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
