I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
