wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
