The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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