my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Still dying that you shit outside
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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